The Dangers of "I was only Joking" Bullying and Parshat YaYera

בראשית כא:ט
וַתֵּ֨רֶא שָׂרָ֜ה אֶת־בֶּן־הָגָ֧ר הַמִּצְרִ֛ית אֲשֶׁר־יָֽלְדָ֥ה לְאַבְרָהָ֖ם מְצַחֵֽק:
Genesis 21:9
Sarah saw the son whom Hagar the Egyptian had borne to Abraham playing.

בראשית כא:י
וַתֹּ֨אמֶר֙ לְאַבְרָהָ֔ם גָּרֵ֛שׁ הָֽאָמָ֥ה הַזֹּ֖את וְאֶת־בְּנָ֑הּ כִּ֣י לֹ֤א יִירַשׁ֙ בֶּן־הָֽאָמָ֣ה הַזֹּ֔את עִם־בְּנִ֖י עִם־יִצְחָֽק:
Genesis 21:10
And she said to Abraham, cast out that slave woman and her son, for the son of that slave shall not share in the inheritance with my son Isaac.

מדרש רבה בראשית פרשה נג סימן יא
וַתֵּ֨רֶא שָׂרָ֜ה אֶת־בֶּן־הָגָ֧ר הַמִּצְרִ֛ית אֲשֶׁר־יָֽלְדָ֥ה לְאַבְרָהָ֖ם מְצַחֵֽק:
-רבי אלעזר בנו של רבי יוסי הגלילי אומר אין הלשון הזה צחוק אלא לשון שפיכות דמים, היך מה דאת אמר (שמואל ב ב) יקומו נא הנערים וישחקו לפנינו, רבי עזריה משום רבי לוי אמר,
אמר ליה ישמעאל ליצחק "נלך ונראה חלקינו בשדה." והיה ישמעאל נוטל קשת וחצים ומורה כלפי יצחק, ועושה עצמו כאילו מצחק, כן איש רמה את רעהו ואומר "הלא מצחק אני?"

Midrash Bereishit Rabbah 53:11
-Rabi Eliezer the son of Rabi Yosi the Galiliee said: This language of “playing” must mean murder. As it is written: “Let the young men come forward and fight to the death.” Rabi Azaria said in the name of Rabi Levi: Ishmael said to Isaac: “Let’s go out in the field and look at what will be our inheritance.” And Ishmael brought a bow and arrow and pointed them at Isaac, pretending that he was going to kill him. And so it is today, a person will trick their fellow and say, “What, I was only joking!“ and Sarah saw this and said: “cast out that slave-woman and her son, for the son of that slave shall not share in the inheritance with my son Isaac!”
This morning I want us to focus on the powerful last line of this rabbinic midrash which explains that Ishmael was threatening Isaac with physical harm, but passing it off as a joke. “And so it is today,” said the rabbis 1,500 years ago, a person will trick their fellow and say: “What, I was only joking.”

Unfortunately, this statement rings shockingly true in our modern society today in America. All around us, children are being abused, mistreated and harrassed, while our society tends to excuse this with the pathetic excuses, “What, they were only joking,” or “But it’s age-appropriate behavior,” or “Kids will be kids.” Today, a word which has always meant great pain to a child, is now becoming an epidemic in our מְצַחֵֽק society, a word that is a possible definition of the inscrutable
in this morning’s parasha. I am talking about bullying, and unfortunately we have heard this word a lot in recent months.

In a recent study, 77% of the students said they had been bullied at least once. And 14% of those who were bullied said they experienced severe (bad) reactions to the abuse.

23 per cent of elementary students reported being bullied one to three times in the last month school bullying statistics say.

Each day 160,000 students miss school for fear of being bullied; and it is estimated that 100,000 students bring a gun to school each day, in part due to bullying.

And then there are the tragic cases of individuals who recently took their life due to the pain of constant harassment.

Ryan Halligan, a fourteen year old boy, picked on by older boys who called him gay, tricked by girls into thinking that they liked him, only to reject him in public;
hanged himself in his room while his father was away on business.

Or the infamous case of Phoebe Prince, 16, from South Hadley, MA, who killed herself this past March after months of torment, consisting of physical and emotional bullying.

But not all bullying is committed in person, “Cyber-bullying” the idea that our children can be picked on and abused online, through email harassment and through their facebook profiles is quickly becoming the preferred mode of bullying in our society; since it can be hidden from the eyes of teachers and parents, but is nonetheless equally devastating.

As we all saw in the tragic suicide this past month of Tyler Clemente, a freshman at Rutgers University whose private sexual encounter was broadcast live to the web via his roommate’s webcam. Moments before his death, Tyler’s facebook profile read “Jumping of the GW Bridge, sorry.”
As Rabbi Franklin mentioned last week when we installed our new USY teen-board, all of us must work tirelessly to ensure that Temple Emanu-El is a safe space for every child, teen and adult. We must make certain that the tools of our religion are used for the power of tolerance, inclusion and camaraderie, rather than for hatred, harassment and exclusion.
We know it is not always easy, after all, kids will be kids, and adults will be adults, and human beings will be human beings, which means we will use our words to harm and hurt those around us. But it does not mean it always must be this way. Let ours be the first generation to educate and legislate bullying out of existence. Let us champion the mitzvah of וְאָֽהַבְתָּ לְרֵֽעֲךָ כָּמוֹךָ Of loving your neighbor as you love yourself, and teach ourselves and our children that our God commands us to be better, to expect more from ourselves, and to live our lives seriously; and to never accept the frail excuse of: “What, I was only joking.”